bolloland

the blue

It wasn't her smile.
Or her taste in music.
Or even her ability to be so damn cute and witty and sarcastic simultaneously. It wasn't the fact that we fancied the same cocktail. Initially, it was The Blue. I mean, it hits you. You know what I'm talking about, you've seen her.
It's The Blue.

God damn that color. It's why I'm where I'm at now. Because I fell for the Blue. Hell, I fell into it. I drowned in it. And smiled while it drank me in and sucked me dry. The Blue was a mask. A disguise.

You ever seen those pitcher plants? It's a carnivorous plant. It eats meat. It lures insects in with it's sweet scent, and the insect delves deeper and deeper to find the happiness it smells on it's breath. But there's no backing out. It's trapped. Soon the sun gets blocked out. Panic and confusion sets in while you search for the initial reason you gave into your curiousity. And the answer comes to you: Compared to loneliness, you'd gladly welcome the Blue at your table.

a touched pussy

two days ago, my roommate returned from pittsburgh with his girlfriend, whom had decided to move to chicago to attend school and probably be closer to her man.

her initial plan was to move into her friends place in rogers park and then they would seek out a new place together. one problem, the rogers park place is a studio comparable in size to a refrigerator box. a college refrigerator box. the girlfriend had never seen the studio space, nor apparantly asked about it.

from a quick spacial determination, the gf realized she couldn't live, sleep and store her things in such a tiny space. plan B? my apartment. most of her things are stored on our back porch and back stairs and in the roommates bedroom.

the kicker to all of this is, of course, the touched pussy. as roommate and girlfriend entered the apartment Wed night, the roommate had something in his arms. i welcomed them, looked at the bundle ihe carried and replied, "What's that?"

"That" turned out to be Stevie, the girlfriend's cat. So, not only am I allergic to cats, as nearly anyone with one can testify, the cat is....special. Apparently, the cat was born with the feline version of cerebal palsy. Uh-huh.

So now 4057 is a Party of Six. 3 guys, a girl, a sly dog, and Special Stevie.

an open letter to whomever unfurled a condom onto my front doorknob

Dear Sir or Madam,

That was pretty goddamn funny. I laughed for 10 minutes about that as I trudged to my back door and let my landlord deal with it.

Thanks for making me smile today after work.

Yours in safety,
Ryan Bollettino

assassins? again?

oh crap.

2 years ago, i decided to organize a friendly theater connection-building game of Assassins. Somehow, I was able to recruit 8 teams of 10 people each, with each team representing a Chicago theater company. If you played, you know it was insanity. My phone didn't stop ringing for weeks as people were getting killed quicker than I could update the website.

It lasted 3 months and drained myself and the final players of the game as well. I won't even go into the Endgame match.

So two years have passed, and one of the participating companies is doing the play Assassins, and now talk starts again of organizing another game. There's a site : streetwars.net , that is able to pull of the game in 3 weeks. Now I just need to figure out how.

And so I turn to you, Occasional Reader, with ideas on how to make this game, (if it actually happens), begin and end with a clear winner in 3 weeks.

My ideas:

• Mafia style. Team of 5 with one member the "Godfather". If the Godfather is killed, the entire is team is out.
• All people are up for grabs at all times. No order to the madness. No designated target.
• 72 hour "kill or be killed" rule. No sitting at home waiting it out. This makes you active and a, ahem, a willing participant. (See that Roach?)
• Dossiers provided on each person online. Info includes a headshot, home address, phone number, etc.
• Safe Zones: The block you live, the block you work, the block you rehearse do a show at. That's it. Want to drink? Find an out-of-the-way watering hole, Chicago has a few.

So what else am I missing? Can this be done? Would anyone want to play? Would anyone want to help organize it? Get a hold of me.

And now, the ketchup effect:

KETCHUP EFFECT

bad date game!

list a four-word phrase you'd use to get out of a horrible date:

ex:
"I'm feeling stabby tonight."
"Here's my glass dragon."
"God makes me drink."

enigma wrapped in a silver vw bug

i will be the first to admit that i am horrible with people's names. i can blame the fact that i have a huge family and growing up, i would much rather memorize the names of all my transformers than who my mom's second cousin was on her father's side. so, for whatever reason, names stump me sometimes. well, more often than usual, unless we've had some amazing bonding experience, you'll have to forgive me if i can't remember your girlfriend's name, oh, you got married? congratulations. but really, um, what's her name?

my favorite game is the friend introduction. i say it's a game, but it becomes a way of life at times. you forget someone's name. you're with someone who doesn't know them. so, you introduce your friend in a half-hearted attempt to learn their name... "oh, and have you two met?". The two introduce theirselves and you pick up the mystery name and kick yourself for not remembering. oh joy.

but faces...well, that's an entirely different story. i can recognize a face through the fog at 100 yards, i'll wave, i'll smile, a rapport will be formed on a simple forgot-your-first name basis. don't know why, the same reason i can't remember faces must mean there's room for all these visual cues in my head.

which brings me to why I was so stumped yesterday. on my way home from work yesterday, i'm at the corner of ashland and irving, getting ready to turn, waiting at the light. i look to my right, and there's a girl in a vw silver bug waving at me. not like a "hey ruggedly handsome boy with outdoorsy good looks" wave, but a friendly, "how are you haven't seen you in ages" wave. i waved back. smiled. she and her carmates drove ahead, and i frowned, took a drag, and said to myself, "now who the hell was that?". because i recognize everyone, and I must admit that i'm stumped as to whomever the hell that was.

i'd also like to apologize to anyone i may have offended at the long room on saturday night. i was overserved. and i had no idea my pants could come right off like that.

important safety information

What is Bollo?

Bollo is a prescription sleep aid that can give you and your restless mind the sleep you need. So you can finally enjoy a restful night and a fresh start.

You can feel good about taking Bollo.

Bollo is designed to give you a restful night's sleep. It not only helps most people fall asleep quickly, it helps you stay asleep all night long with fewer interruptions and wake up refreshed.

So from the time your head hits the pillow until the second your alarm clock sounds, you're getting the peaceful sleep you need.

Bollo is unique.

Bollo is one of the most extensively studied prescription sleep aids. And while there are many sleep aids available, Bollo is unique because it has all three of the following benefits:

• Unlike some other sleep aids, Bollo helps you sleep all through the night with fewer interruptions. AND
• Bollo does not lose its effectiveness over time as shown in a 6-month study. AND
• Additionally, Bollo is approved for long-term use.

Do not use Bollo for extended periods without first talking to your doctor.

Taking Bollo for the First Time

Planning to take Bollo tonight?

If tonight's the first time you'll be taking Bollo, it's important to prepare. In other words, fluff the pillows, lower the shades and get ready for a restful night's sleep.

There are no tricks to taking Bollo.

Just stick to your doctor's instructions and keep these 3 tips in mind:

1. Only take Bollo when you're able to get a full night's sleep.
2. Do not take Bollo with alcohol.
3. You should not engage in any activity after taking Bollo that requires complete alertness, such as driving a car or operating machinery. You should use extreme care when engaging in these activities the morning after taking Bollo.

When you're about to go to bed, simply swallow the Bollo with water and get ready to enjoy a restful night's sleep.

Click here for other important information about taking Bollo.

How will I feel right after I take Bollo?

Bollo helps most people fall asleep quickly. So shortly after taking Bollo, you should begin to feel sleepy. That means it's working!

If you're the type of sleeper that wakes up several times each night, taking Bollo can help. In fact, Bollo is proven to help people sleep through the night with fewer interruptions!

Bollo should only be taken immediately before bedtime. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to Bollo before becoming active.

Do not use alcohol while taking Bollo.
Bollo carries some risk of dependency.
Do not use sleep medicines for Bollo without first talking to your doctor.
Side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, drowsiness and dizziness. For more information, please see important product information.

Leave The Rest To Bollo.

lumberjack?

today at work, the big boss was actually in. a rare occurance, almost as rare as the amount of words that issue from his mouth in my general direction.

he, I and the other co-workers started talking about V-Day, which went into dating, and online dating and so on. his brother (37) picks up 19 year old BDSM slaves on the internet, which i don't think big boss knows about his brother, although he confided that in me during leisurely smoke break chat. who shares that with anyone, let alone someone you work with.

regardless, the online discussion began to morph into how you sell yourself and see yourself, and whether the two are the same thing or not. he then proceded to use me as an example and started hypothetically describing my online persona, "artistic young man with a passionate heart and outdoorsy rugged good looks."

never in my life have I had a man, let alone my boss, say that I have outdoorsy rugged good looks. i didn't know how to respond to that. and still dont. and still won't.

any odd things your boss has said that made you take a step back and say,

"um, what the fuck just happened?"

happy birthday mom

so last night, driving to miss kays birthday shindig, i saw a woman get out of one car and make her way to her car. this was along ravenswood, and i don't know if the driver and said female passenger engaged in a pre V-day tryst of whatnot before the drop off at her car occured, but let's say it did, because, well, that makes life more interesting.

as a quick side note, i NEED more interesting after the debaucle that is my assignment for this day.

regardless, she walks back to her car, just as i'm driving past on Ravenswood, so i'm guessing they're slaves of the Metra platform, and WHA~THUMP. She goes down. Face first. I think I caught the whipcrack of a heel snapping along the wind as her balance first wavered.

So, yeah, I laughed. And drove on to Lawrence until the damn Irish guilt got the better of me, and I did a quick U-ie in the intersection to go backand check on her. But it was in vain, for the driver realized that his lover was nowhere to be found in his rearview mirror as he dabbed the lipstick away from his cheek and straightened his collar before his rendezvous with pork chops in his suburban home. He had noticed his Valentine was missing, and got out of the car to find her, to help her, to lift her, to comfort her, to get her to her car and give her a quick squeeze on the ass before they both had to return to reality.

happy valentine's day.

when peter sellers pours my drinks

don't know where the melancholia came from a few days back, but suffice to say it's gone the way of the dodo since then. it's been packed up, bubble wrapped, shipped out express with no signature required for weekend delivery to last year.

friday night i took a mini vacation to the great(?) city of milwaukee. milwaukee constantly lives in a time warp of negative 8-10 years, where sweater vests are in a close tight race with starter jackets and zubaz pants and everyone bears an uncanny resemblance to thais guy:

regardless, mr scalise and i departed the fair city of chicago in the 2pm hour, and thanks to some handy schedule reworkings to garner a half day, i left the office and the city guilt free, looking forward to a nine hour brain blow-out session in the city that Pabst built.

upon arriving in said northern city, my compatriot and I found alcoholic refuge in a bar called gametime, across the street from the bradley center, the city's one bastion of sporting housing. we consumed beers, food, shots, and games of pool, while dropping the f-bomb countless times, much to the chagrin of the families dining in a giant sports bar. who brings their kids into a bar anyway? especially knowig that 2 fib's would be in attendance? but i digress...